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Do you find that your firm just has too many clients?  Are you getting so much new business that it seems you can't keep up with it?  Are you annoyed with all those trips you have to make to the bank to deposit all the money your making?

If so, a panel of CEOs speaking on the program "Inside the Mind of A-Level Clients" has the answers for you.  Speaking at the Association for Accounting Marketing conference going on right now in Orlando, they offered true stories about how you can lighten your load of all those burdensome clients and their time-consuming work.

The panel was moderated by Michael Platt, of Oak Brook, IL, who has over 20 years of experience bringing business leaders together to foster idea sharing, best practices, and continuous improvement. A nationally recognized leader in the accounting profession, he drives the development of the Blueprint for Excellence program through Upstream Midwest.

• Take your client to lunch, use up two hours of their time and send them a bill for $250.
• Pepper the client with broadcast emails sent to hundreds of other people, send them marketing materials even after they requested that you stop, and give them gifts they don't want (like sending Omaha steaks to a vegetarian.)
• Send underlings from your firm who are unprepared and show up late to visit the clients, just before renewal date of a contract.  Do this especially with major clients.
• Don't give the client a single point person to call.  Instead, tell them they have a "team," each of whom says "I don't handle that" when the client calls them.
• Always rotate the people working on the client's account, so that the client never sees the same person more than once.  If possible, hand off a client from a partner to the newest associate you have.
• Be sure to nickle-and-dime the client, by charging for every thing you can think of.  For example, if the client calls to ask a quick question, immediately send a bill for $100.
• Make the client feel that they are a small account to your very large firm.  Remind them that you represent many bigger firms and have a lot of other clients to keep happy.  Assign them inexperienced associates and avoid having partners work on their matters.
• When the clients call, be sure to tell them how busy you are.  Complain that you have other clients and you're working around the clock.  The clients, of course, are also working long hours and will be especially put off by your saying how busy you are.  It will also convey that you care about other clients more than them.
• If the client sends you a referral, don't bother thanking them.  Don't do anything special about it -- certainly don't send a gift tailored to their interests.  There is no need to send business back to them either.
• Be unavailable at key moments.  If December 31 is a key deadline day for your clients, be sure to take the day off.  Similarly, if there are deadlines the client needs to know about, don't bother telling them and schedule a vacation day for the deadline date.
• If something is keeping your client up at night regarding their company, mind your own business and don't inquire how you could help out.
• At the end of a successful matter, don't ask for client feedback.  It could only lead to more work.
• If you offer several services, keep the client in the dark about them.  This way only one practice group in your firm will have to bother with the client.  If the client has a problem that someone else in your firm could help them with, keep your mouth shut.
• When speaking with the client, presume that they know as much about law or accounting as you do; always use technical terms or art.  Make it clear that you are the smart one and the client is just stupid.
• Don't bother asking how the client likes to be contacted.  They may prefer email, phone calls or in-person visits, but to keep your workload to a minimum, just communicate in the fashion that you prefer.
• Do as little as possible in person with the client, as this would only deepen the relationship.  Stay in touch by email and postal mail so that they have no idea what you look like.
• If the client wants an annual meeting -- at no charge -- to go over what services you provide and also what they expect for the next year -- remind the client that you're very busy. Explain that the client that they'll have to get used to the way your firm does business.  If they trap you into having lunch with them, be sure to follow up with a bill for it.  Make the client pay for lunch too.
• Don't let the client know you have a marketing director.  If the client does find out, keep the marketer away from the client or off the client team.  You do not want a marketer asking questions about the client's business or how you could serve the client better.  If the marketer offers you advice, nod your head and just ignore it.
• Use fear to market your services.  There's nothing more off-putting than a scary letter from a law or accounting firm.  Besides, they already know about regulatory and statutory changes from their own trade magazines.  But try to scare them anyway.
• Don't add value to the client's business.  Make sure that they view you as an expense.  A big expense, because your fees are really high.

These tips were brought to you from real-life experiences of Dorthea M. Wynn, CEO of the Orlando Heart Center; Anthony Wood, President of The Leadership Coalition, Roseland, NJ; Karen Hough, Founder & CEO, ImprovEdge, a New York City training firm; and Ronald Kaplan, CEO, Action Products International Inc. in Orlando.